drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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