Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
