I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
