No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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