Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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