and she was petting her beer can
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
