Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
