dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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