nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
