I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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