her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Semen is not good for contacts.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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