But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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