She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
God, I missed his penis.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
