Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
this will be a night to untag.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
When are your genitals available?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
