conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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