Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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