Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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