You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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