we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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