omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
