I think I won the penis lottery.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I love you. Go after that dick
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize