Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
