listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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