but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
