did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
