The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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