Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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