i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
