i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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