my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
