so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
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