Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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