shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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