when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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