There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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