Soap is not a condiment
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
