Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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