ya dads aren't the best wingmen
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
