I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
