I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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