This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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