...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
