watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
