conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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