If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
