ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
