i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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