so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He better not be in your backpack
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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