You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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