i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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