I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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