Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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