didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
