when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
