I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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