I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
this will be a night to untag.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize