We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
