So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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