ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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