Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
