she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
