after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
