Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
