I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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