I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
