She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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