sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
