Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
