talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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