In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
