It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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